Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Before we get into the Funbag, here are some quick announcements. First of all, I started a newsletter, which you can subscribe to here if you feel like doing that to yourself. Secondly, The Hike comes out in paperback on July 4. There will be a small tour, with the requisite drinking and merriment.

Truthfully, there probably needs to be a future beyond cars and planes, where a new sort of craft becomes the dominant mode of transport. If you were to wear a suit of metal spikes covering your entire body, would you be invincible to every type of animal attack? I would have to assume so??? You could still get badly fucked up. Some animals have insanely tough skin.

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Stepping on you would be like stepping on a tack for them. Also, many of them may not CARE if they get pricked by metal spikes as they throw you around until your body is limp and ragged.

I have read enough florid descriptions of bullfights to know that getting stabbed only makes the bull angrier. A bull could still ruin you. A hippo could still ruin you. An anaconda could still ruin you. It could probably find the weak spot in your armor and then strangle you from within.

No one ever beat anthrax with pointy armor. You also need to factor in mobility to surviving an animal attack. A suit of metal spikes is extremely heavy. Back in the day, soldiers who wore full plate armor were well-protected from arrows and sword attacks.

Spanish conquistadors could be outnumbered BUT the armor was so heavy that if you fell from your horse, you were dead meat because you were literally unable to get up. People could just walk up and slit your throat, easy peasy.

Armor is fickle like that.

Do you know they would march through the Amazon rainforest in this shit? Can you even imagine? At what point do you release it? On the one hand, it would create absolute chaos in the American political landscape immediately. On the other hand I assume Putin wants to ensure he squeezes every last drop no pun intended out of this useful idiot before he sets the world on fire with the tape. So do you release it After Trump takes some sort of anti-Russian policy position? Vladimir Putin has no interest in YOU ever seeing that tape.

I think Putin is cut from the same cloth as J. I bet Hoover treated his MLK tapes like he owned a fucking Picasso. He probably has it stored in a giant warehouse next to the fucking Ark of the Covenant. I keep waiting every day for that pee tape to break, but I should know better. Does the person who gets out first pay the whole fare to that point, half the fare to that point, half the total fare?

How much compensation is necessary if the first stop is out of the way? Dinner math is annoying enough. I used to do cab math and try to split the fare evenly, but the chances of you having correct change for that at 3 a. Please note that this assumes your friend is not a deadbeat who never pays shit back. If you are friends with a deadbeat, make his ass walk. Aw man, you just ruined my day. I work in an office with a pretty excellently stocked kitchen. One of the more popular items we have is the giant container of Red Vines.

What is the most vines I can take in a kitchen run without being seen as a glutton? Yeah, that seems like a reasonable handful. As always, the key to office gorging is to take a small amount, and then wait a few minutes, and then take another small amount, and then repeat the process until there are only two Red Vines left and you hate yourself. Then someone finally finishes off the bucket and you have the audacity to be upset with them.

I saw some coaches publicly calling out dudes for fucking up just one play. Should American press and coaches do arizona earnest money law Would teams be better?

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I think it really depends on the team and the situation. Like, college coaches who throw their players under the bus see: Kelly, Brian can funnel a gallon of liquid shit. In general, I think the best coaching strategy is to say nothing of substance publicly and ruthlessly own the shit out of your players in private meetings.

English soccer teams are persistent pullback strategy whole other matter. You put the best players out there, hope they score a lot, and make a few key subs if guys look gassed.

I could and should be hired to john hull options futures and other derivatives download it.

Forex market trading trader feel like Denny Green and Jim Mora essentially killed that postgame rant. Someone take us out back and fire paintballs at our asses. Recently, a friend of mine was at a large music festival and overheard someone crying in the stall next to them.

They auto binary options reviews com over to discover an honest-to-goodness supermodel totally hammered and crying because they were too smashed to wipe their own ass. My friend, being the good Samaritan she is, ended up guiding said supermodel through the process.

Is she crazy for helping a stranger, albeit a very famous stranger, wipe their own ass? Ooooh, was it Kate Moss? I bet it was the latter. God only know what kind of Satanic plague awaits you if you delve into the muck.

NO FREE WIPES, LADY. First bite of a meal: Forex ghl indicator have no idea why.

Restaurants today are big into harmony, which means everything is commingled on the plate, and you use your knife to wipe each bite of meat with fallout 3 easy money cheat fancy celery root puree is pooled below.

I have no sympathy. Do you think the NFL would ever consider best place to earn money in pokemon x and y how much money does the catholic church donated a year loan system like international soccer leagues?

At worst, the guy maybe chips his tooth on a champagne flute. You got NFL coaches who are roasted just for putting dudes on the kickoff team, so imagine one of their players getting hurt, and not even in the course of playing for them.

Also, the NFL would never have a loan system for the same reason you rarely see in-season trades in the NFL. Teams want to develop players within their system, which is always some proprietary, utterly byzantine series of playbooks that every player is expected to master and players who are talented but cannot master it are seen as useless.

This lack of fluidity is a real problem in the NFL. If the NFL was smart, they would simplify the rules of play to the point where schemes are more uniform and raw talent can shine through. If you want the house colder, do you turn your AC up or turn your AC down?

My girlfriend says turn it down, as in decrease the temperature, and I say turn it up, as in increase the cooling power. I say UP, earn money with linux vps you are upping the output of cool, crisp aircon goodness in your home. I polled the Deadspin staff on this and the majority say UP if they want it colder.

I did not bother asking Marchman for an answer, seeing as how he probably thinks a damp washcloth is the only real air conditioning anyone needs. The question now is: I would get one with a single bulb that has some kind of opaque covering for it. Also, even though taking the cover off can be dicey, having just one bulb means there are fewer bulbs to change. You gotta get a step ladder. Then you gotta carefully unscrew the bulb while a dozen fly corpses land on your face.

This is more discussion of home air circulation than you probably asked for BUT…as someone who has lived through home renovation, I cannot recommend ceiling fans enough. Put one in the fucking broom closet if you can. Ceiling fans are lovely.

ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS GETTING BACK INTO THE JUNGLE. Is there a time limit on choosing a clue? I assume producers cut tape and have a little chat with you if you sit there for five minutes hemming and hawing about picking a category. Your goal is to amass as large of a war chest as possible so that you A Have Final Jeopardy leverage and B Win lots of money at the end.

If anything, you want to choose categories quickly, so that you can answer more questions and potentially make even more money. This former contestant wrote a post detailing shortcuts that experienced players use to help keep the round moving. I hope all future players follow these instructions, because nothing pisses me off more than an unfinished Jeopardy board.

B Make contact and get the ball in play from a pitch from a star MLB pitcher power pitcher like Aroldis Chapman. And how many attempts would it approximately take to achieve one of these feats? Feel like I would get lucky about 1 of attempts. It has to be the serve resident tennis person Giri Nathan agreeseven though I know full well how terrifying it is to stare down a serve going 1,mph.

I would just close my eyes and stick my racket out and pray I hit something. At least the serve bounces before it reaches you.

But I still think my odds of success there are slightly better than if I had to hit a Major League fastball. No fucking thank you, sir. What would happen if the Raiders when on the most historic winning streaks in all of sports and went for the next three years and one 3 consecutive Super Bowls while riding a game winning streak? He could probably bleed Nevada dry for extra parking money with a team that dominant.

Recently, my kids ate the bare minimum amount of dinner in order to qualify for dessert, as always. Gushers, Fruit Roll Ups and Fruit by the Foot.

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Of course, there was only one Fruit by the Foot left, almost certainly because I ate one long after their bedtime, and they both demanded it. At that very moment, I realized that the individually wrapped Fruit by the Foot felt bulkier than normal. I tore it open to reveal TWO separate rolls where there was only supposed to be ONE!

Drew Magary is a Deadspin columnist and correspondent for GQ. You can buy Drew's second novel, The Hike, through here. Will Cars Ever Die? Edit Promote Share to Kinja Toggle Conversation tools Go to permalink. I Should Coach The USMNT By now you know that U. Soccer has fired head coach Jurgen Klinnsman immigrants losing their… Read more.

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